That Which We Are, We Are
by Blanchi
Summary: With Slade Wilson's arrival in Starling City and the chaos he has planned for everyone, Felicity might be forced to confront the demons of her own past, a past she tried so hard to leave behind.


**Chapter One - Darkness in the Hearts of Men**

Felicity hadn't seen her apartment in more than 30 hours. Between Barry coming to Starling, the Queen's failure of a Christmas party and Oliver's poisoning, she had managed not only to not set foot in her beautiful apartment but also to run on the emergency clothes she kept in the lair.

Once she unlocked the door she didn't even bother setting her things down, instead chose to drop them on the floor and head directly towards the bathroom, discarding her clothes as she went. As the hot jets of water hit her skin she finally let herself sigh. She didn't think she ever had a more consuming couple of days. She tried closing her eyes, blanking out her mind, but the images that flooded her once she did only startled her.

Images of her yelling Oliver's name, holding his hand, hugging him, putting the mask on him, all of them hit her full on and for the first time it seemed as if her mind had caught up with her actions. Barry had only laughed at her and shook his head when she told him she didn't like Oliver, and it was the truth wasn't it?

Felicity closed her eyes and dropped her head in defeat. Who was she kidding. She knew deep down inside that she liked Oliver, in fact, if recent events were any indication she might even be in love with him.

She shook her head and opened her eyes, more determined than ever.

No. It wasn't that she didn't love Oliver. She simply couldn't. She knew everything in life had its time and that eventually everything ended. She couldn't start a relationship with Oliver, give her heart to him and have it end, just like everything in her life once ended. All that's left now is for her to deal with her own darkness.

She turned off the water and climbed out of the shower, stopping in front of the bathroom mirror. She whipped the vapour from the glass before pulling her hands through her long hair. She stopped at her roots, examining them. It was time for another hair dye appointment. The brown was beginning to show.

From his corner of the lair Diggle was looking at Oliver, who was looking at the back of Felicity's empty chair. Clearing his throat he went to sit beside Oliver on the floor.

"I know you have something to say Diggle," Oliver said through his teeth. "Why don't you spear us both and just spit it out."

"Nah man, I just think you are pathetic and that you own Felicity an apology," Diggle said, patting Oliver on the back.

"I know that," Oliver hissed again. "But it still wasn't her secret to tell. Especially when her telling someone, involved telling that kid."

Next to him Diggle just shook his head. "She should be here any minute. I better let you two talk alone," he said as he got up.

Oliver only nodded before his eyes snapped up and narrowed at Diggle.

"Wait, what exactly did you mean when you said I was pathetic?" Oliver asked him.

Diggle turned to look back at Oliver for a few seconds before laughing.

"Oliver," Diggle said, "why are you so pissed that Felicity told the kid your secret?"

"I already told you, it wasn't her…"

"Secret to tell," Diggle finished for him. "Yeah, I know that. You've already mentioned it like four times. But what did you mean when you said "especially" that kid?"

Oliver said nothing, instead opting to look at Diggle as if he were a target practice. Diggle put his hands up and started to slowly back away. Oliver let his shoulders drop when Diggle reached for the handle of the door, but went rigid once more when he saw Diggle turning towards him once again.

"You know, it's called jealousy. What you're feeling right now, that's called jealousy," Digg said as he quickly exited the lair, not wanting to be the second person that week who ended up with an arrow in his knee.

Oliver kept starting at the metal door long after Diggle was gone. Jealousy. Jealous. He was not jealous. Oliver Queen did not…

With a sign of defeat Oliver leaned his head against the wall and let his eyes close. He was not an idiot, and neither was he blind, but his feelings towards Felicity were… complicated. He knew that at this point in his life she was the one person who knew him better than anyone else. He knew that he could always come back to her, and be supported and accepted for who he really was. Oliver Queen the murderer, Oliver Queen the vigilante, Oliver Queen the hero. Felicity always saw the best in him. He got used to her as a constant presence and as a friend.

It wasn't until Russia that he realized those feelings might be changing. It wasn't until he felt the tug in his heart as she walked away after having seen Isabel in his room that he realized something might be different.

Different…

Everything was different in his life. Everything was changing. Again. Change happened on the island, and change was happening again.

And maybe he and Felicity could…

Oliver shook his head violently and snapped out of his day dream just in time to hear the door to the lair opening and closing again.

Felicity was walking down the stairs, her hair let lose, no glasses, today's choice of outfit - a combination of blue and yellow.

"Hey," she called out as she saw him sitting on the floor. "Nothing to do in this big city that seems to always attract criminals and murderers and just genuine psychopathic people? Nobody to stick an arrow into tonight?"

He could feel a small smile tugging at his lips.

"No," he answered. "Everything seems to be quiet, the bad guys all tucked away in their cozy beds."

"Yes well, after the very stimulating couple of days we just had maybe it's for the best. Where's Digg?"

"He left for the night," Oliver said as he got up from his stop on the floor, going to stand right behind Felicity.

She only nodded as she turned towards her computers.

"Hey," he whispered softly, putting his hand on her shoulder. Felicity turned her head, looking at him expectingly.

"I owe you an apology," he said. "Barry was right. I acted like a jerk to you when I should have been thanking you for saving my life." Felicity shook her head.

"I understand why you were angry. Like you said, you have a hard time telling people. It still doesn't justify the way you behaved, but I get it," she told him.

"No. It does not justify it," he said with a sigh. "For a long time there was no one. There was no one who could even begin to understand me or what it is that I do. And now I have Diggle, and you, and I am just not used to anyone…caring. Perhaps I just need to realize that I am not alone anymore."

Felicity let out a sigh and started walking towards him. When she reached him she put both her arms around his neck and pulled him towards her. He didn't hesitate in wrapping his hands around her waist.

"Oliver," she whispered. "As long as I am here you never need to feel alone, and believe me I plan on being here for a very long time. Your heart doesn't need to be surrounded in darkness anymore."

He let a small smile form on his lips.

"Thank you," he whispered back to her.

"Hey, you're my friend, and I love you." Realization hit her as soon as the words left her mouth and she quickly pulled back to look at him. She dropped her hands from his neck and tried to step away from him but his hold on her waist continued.

"I…I mean, I don't love you. I mean, I do, but not like love love you, although it is love but not that kind of love. Not that anyone shouldn't love love you, because you are very loveable, you know, when you are not putting arrows into people. But people love you and I love you… as a friend and colleague and as a boss and… have I said friend already?"

Later, if anyone asked Oliver what he was thinking he probably couldn't come up with an answer. He just felt her next to him, the heat from her body radiating through his fingers, her mouth so close to his that he couldn't possible resist anymore.

He closed the gap between them and softly put his mouth on hers.

He could feel Felicity going rigid in his arms, but that only last for about a second. Soon he felt her hands wrap around his neck, pulling him closer, her mouth opening beneath his.

It was an invitation no man could resist.

He let his tongue brush over hers, a soft moan radiating from her chest. Her hands gripped the back of his neck harder, deepening the kiss even further, their tongues dancing with one another.

He knew he had to pull away soon but instead he found himself walking backwards until her back hit the wall of the lair.

As soon as her back hit the wall she wrapped her legs around his waist, pulling herself flat against his body. His hands starting working on the buttons of her blouse, pulling them lose one by one. Her shirt was soon discarded on the floor and his lips were tracing kisses on her neck, stopping at her pulse to suck the soft skin.

Her hands weren't idle, having managed to get rid of his shirt and unbutton his jeans. She let her hands trace the numerous scars on his chest, stopping to press feather-like pressure on each of them. Her hands started to move lower and lower, reaching the band of his underwear, when suddenly he let out a low and soft growl.

They both knew they needed to stop. They both new this was not a good way to deal with everything that happened, but they both also knew that stopping wasn't an option at this point.

They had made their resolutions to not be with each other, to not care for each other beyond a work and friendship relation, but maybe they needed this. Maybe they needed this physical connection, and maybe it was a relation that didn't need to be labeled or categorized in any way shape or from.

Maybe they just needed each other in the most primal and simply way.

That night when Felicity entered her apartment she let herself rest against the door before moving any further. When she left her house that morning the last thing she thought she would do is have sex with Oliver Queen in the lair.

If she was honest with herself she couldn't really tell how any of it came about. One moment she was hugging him, the next she was rambling, and the next he had her pinned against against the wall, her legs wrapped around his waist, his lips moving up and down her throat.

Did she regret it? No, not really.

She knew the underlying tension had always been a part of their relationship but she never thought that they would ever act on it, although their time in the lair today just felt so natural. And maybe this was the answer to their complicated relationship. Maybe it was about sex and about that connection. Neither of them was really ready for anything more and maybe this was their answer. Why put labels and definitions on something that was so complicated?

Felicity let out a sigh. Great job Smoak, she though, you come to Starling to get a new start and you end up working and falling for the city's vigilante.

She straightened herself up and started walking towards her living room when she suddenly noticed that something was wrong. Her apartment was completely dark and she usually left on a small lamp, not liking coming home to all the darkness.

She made her way to the light switch that turned on all the lights, but once the bright light enveloped her apartment she stumbled back at the sight of the man sitting on her couch.

For a second her brain froze. She looked around but there was nothing to defend herself with, there anything she could do. She was all alone.

She focused her eyes on the man sited in front of her, trying to look him in eyes, trying not to show any signs of weakness. She could tell he had a strong build and that he was a fighter, but other than that his only distinctive feature was the eye patch he was wearing on his right eye.

The man got up from the couch and started pacing around her apartment.

"You looked so familiar the first time I saw a picture of you, I just couldn't place you. It was only later, when I searched through my memories that I realized who you really were," he told her, in an accent Felicity couldn't quiet place at the moment.

"What do you want from me?" She asked him, her voice coming out surprisingly strong. "I don't know you."

"But I know you," he told her with a smile. "And imagine my surprise when I found you in Starling City…"

"Please…" she said, her voice barely above that of a whisper.

"Talia…" He let that name drop from his lips, knowing what would happen, knowing what it will do to her.

AN: Yup, I just went there. To be honest I don't know where there is, because I sat down to write another story and this just came out. I have a plan as to where I want this story to go, but I don't know if I will continue it. I depends on the response I get from it. (Not to mention that Oliver is such a hard character to write for!)

Also, I don't have a Beta reader (and I would really like one because my grammar and spelling is shit), so if everyone wants to take on that job please let me know, I would appreciate it.


End file.
